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Bryan Espiritu: Talking about jokes you never tell
Creative director, founder — and human. Each month on TCC, Bryan Espiritu reflects on the daily grind of what it means to be a creator.

I’ll never write a book.
I’m too scatter brained.
I’m bad at interviews.
I don’t even know what to order on a menu,
So I order multiple items,
And eat them all until I have a belly ache.

And I’ll never write a book.

I get asked for advice on creativity
Which is similar to being asked how to fly
Just because I’ve decided to jump off a cliff in public.

I’m a mess;
A flimsy,
Uncertain mess,
Who wants so much,
But doesn’t know enough about the difference between a verb,
A noun,
An adjective,
Or when to properly use a semi-colon
To ever write a book.

But I would like to.

Just like I’d like to be rich,
Or would like to be retired soon,
Or I’d like to be admired
Like I acquired a room
In a hut
In Tulum.

What’s the problem with Jay Electronica never releasing an album?
The problem is now his fans never get his album.

And sometimes
I’m asked when I’ll be writing a book.

I think

Yesterday I was writing down an idea about something
And thought that that something would make for a good book.
I’m sure it would,
Should someone write it
Like I’m sure leaping from this building is a one-way flight.
I’m sure it will be a hit.
One of them, at least.

I mean,
I think I could write a book.
Other people do it.
Even dumber people.
More hopeless people write books.

So why not me?

Why can’t I have a shining, shimmering,
Splendid, perfect bound, 4.5 x 7″,
Matte stock compilation of garbage
To be used as a night stand ornament
Just like everyone else?

It’s not because I’m busy.

I spend all of my time on the internet,
Jealous of people spending their time riding bikes,
Living their lives,
And even writing books.

I don’t think it’s that.
I think it’s that I’m afraid.
So I talk about writing books
And just never do it.

I get asked for advice on creativity,
Which is like asking me how to swim
While I’m drowning in my emotions.

I think creativity
Is a joke.
It’s a joke that you don’t tell anybody about.
You just tell it.
You tell it because you believe it’s funny.
Even when you’re not sure other people will laugh.
You tell it,
And you see what happens.
But the point of the joke
Is for it to be told.

Is a joke.

You don’t ever tell someone about a joke.
You just tell the goddamn thing whether they like it or not.

And maybe
One day
I’ll write a book.


Bryan Espiritu
Cris Saliba